Separate or One?
By Cara Chang Mutert
When the world came to a screeching halt just over a year ago, we were all catapulted into an alternate reality. Life suddenly shifted into one of fear and disbelief, anxiety and isolation, adjusting and adapting, and trying our damndest to look at the bright side, which was overshadowed by the constant worry of the looming dark side.
While our planet showed hopeful signs of recovery from human overuse, we as humans spiraled into our own personalized brand of anguish and confusion. Every day, we braced for more unexpected challenges, continued overwhelming uncertainty, while enduring deep grief and loss. Although looking back can be rough, it can also unearth moments of revelation.
For most of us, we discovered our undeniable need for human connection; the discomfort of the unknown; the loneliness of isolation; the comfort of family; our desire for security; and the devastation of our separateness. For me, the silence and space left me feeling more compelled to communicate the importance of acknowledging our oneness to overcome the divisiveness that sadly seemed to intensify despite our shared global experience.
I know some of you may be wondering how I, as an Asian American woman, reacted to the sudden increase of violence against Asian Americans, particularly women. Whether these acts are categorized as racial or gender-based, as hate crimes or not, the reality is, none of this separateness is new. I’ve been aware of it all my life, and it’s been happening for centuries. While I could cite plenty of personal examples of my own hurtful racial experiences, it’s not about me. It’s about our collective lack of understanding.
I find it interesting that so much about society, justice, oppression, inequality, and racial prejudice surfaced into public awareness during this past year. Maybe it was because we had the time to pay attention. We learned that ignorance and dysfunction, ineffective systems and corruption, archaic ideas and belief systems among both groups and individuals can create chasms between people, fueling deep seated misunderstandings and uncontrollable rage.
This all continues to manifest outwardly as the pain, frustration and fear of the pandemic, social change and financial duress intensifies the terror we’ve created in our own psyches. Unfortunately we as humans, particularly when feeling threatened, default to our most base instincts of separateness rather than to our higher consciousness of oneness.
As we watch how this all unfolds, my hope is that we will learn that justifying our thoughts and actions with our own opinions can actually be harmful. Even though it may not be our conscious intention, we may be unconsciously hurting others and contributing to ingrained cultural and habitual mindsets without even realizing it.
Overt acts of violence and verbal abuse are more clearly offensive and easy to excuse ourselves from because most of us thankfully don’t engage in it. But what’s equally as cutting is the subtle stuff. The experience of being considered “different” or being an “other,” rather than being a part of the “us” is hard to explain. But it feels equally as palpable as someone shouting or snickering a racial slur to your face.
Most women, regardless of their skin color, can likely relate to the subtlety of this feeling. People of a certain age may also be familiar with the feeling of being excluded or ignored. Some men too, may now find themselves feeling out of place in a room full of women who are large and in charge. Plenty of examples can be found if you pause to observe.
While uncomfortable and oftentimes unsettling, recognizing the discomfort is movement forward. The shifts occurring could be seen as opportunities to inform us that we are really all the same. Although many of us are much more fortunate than others, at our core, no one is better or worse, more deserving or less, more spiritually evolved or not. If we’re open to learning through our mistakes and misconceptions, hopefully we can grow together away from race defined by skin color and move forward into a world where race is defined by humanity.
If the past year has taught us anything, it’s that although we as humans are resilient, human life itself is fragile and each day is a gift. We all have just one heart to give us life and let us love, and just one life to give it our best.