Peace through Awareness
“We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today”
--Marvin Gaye, “What’s Going On?”
By Cara Chang Mutert
Why war? Why fight? I’ve really never understood it.
Throughout my life, I have watched people work to find reasons to separate themselves from one another. Whether it’s over ownership of countries, regions, sacred sites, land, resources, or differences in political ideology, religion or spiritual beliefs, money, race, color, gender, lifestyle, or social standing, it just seems we always find a way to create a wedge between ourselves.
Over the past few years, we have watched our world continue to create reasons to divide ourselves, now it’s mushrooming into even more unsettling and unnerving proportions. Power, fear, and vengeance are often at the root of most conflicts, manifesting as pain, anger, rage, sadness, and a need for revenge or retribution.
A pacifist at heart, I have always been resistant to conflict. My impulse has always been to first try to resolve, and then if that fails, most times shrink, run, or concede. On the upside, because of my aversion to conflict, I am able to step away from the drama and sit with things before reacting and then respond with less emotion. But even though I shy away from these situations whenever possible, I still feel all the emotions of those who welcome it. Do I feel anger? Yes. Do I feel hurt? Yes. Do I feel misunderstood? Yes. Do I feel the need to explain and justify myself? Yes. Question is: Do I need to? Really?
Part of my conditioning to stepping back is the culture in which I was raised. My father, who would have turned 100 last week, quietly showed me the way. Born and raised in China, he overcame poverty, hardship, discrimination, and inequality and like so many immigrants, was often overlooked for his many significant achievements. Despite the obstacles, he was able to look beyond the unfairness and inequity and forge ahead to succeed. From living on dirt floors, with candlelight and buckets of water, my father ended his life living in a home with hardwood floors, 4-bedrooms and hot, running water. By putting his head down, staying focused, working hard, and living honestly, my father lived a full and honorable life.
What’s interesting about familial patterning is that we often follow in the footsteps of our ancestors without even knowing it. But through the process of yoga, I’ve learned to continually look inward in hopes of gaining more awareness of my thoughts and myself. The downside of this process for me, however, is that when navigating conflict, I’ve found that I often blame myself, giving those in opposition the benefit of the doubt. But now I understand that finding myself at fault first is also part of my habitual thought process and pattern, and something I have the power to change within myself.
As I continue on my quest to understand myself better, I’m beginning to see how the cycle continues. As time passes and I grow older, I’ve learned that sometimes putting your head down and just taking it is not always the best choice. Instead, I now try to ask myself “What is real?” “What is not?” “What is true?” “What is not?” These questions allow me to discern more clearly whether I’m jumping through hoops to please others or listening to my own needs, which I now understand are also important. I’ve also learned to ask, “Am I holding on? Is it already slipping through my fingers? Is clinging and grasping really helping me?”
Now as we anxiously witness yet another world conflict occur before our eyes, it is glaringly clear that self-awareness is truly the missing piece in so many of our world leaders. If only those that start wars could see themselves more clearly. To question themselves and their motives more honestly. Power. Money. Territories. Ownership. Separateness. Winning. Losing. The things that divide us are all really just illusions. We’ve created these constructs to quantify, label, and makes sense of things in our own minds. We’ve designed them specifically to make us think we have more control than we actually do.
So why fight? Beats me.
My work will be to continue to find peace within, so perhaps someday, we will find peace without.