In Remembrance …
By Cara Chang Mutert
Summer is the season of growth and abundance, heat and energy, and long days fueled by the heat of the sun and long nights simmering from the fire still coursing through our bodies and minds.
The momentum of life is reflecting that and seems to be accelerating into a frenzied chaotic pace, almost as if the undercurrent of a beating drum is rippling vibrations upward just below the surface. The karma of 2 years laying low has manifested into an unbridled energy that feels as if life is bursting at the seams.
When the energy around us feels like this, it’s even more important to take a moment for stillness, to pause, to move more mindfully and stay connected to what is, and remember what grounds and feeds you.
Like many of us, my love of family and my connection to them is what keeps me going and keeps me grounded. Today marks two years since the passing of my father, the first man to love me and support me without question. As I look back on the past two years of living without him, I have grown to understand what it means when people say, “he is still with you.”
When I pay attention and take a moment to step away from the drumbeat of my daily list of things to do, places to go, people to see, I can sense his comfort. I remember his wisdom. I feel his quiet guidance from afar, and yet at the same time, I also feel it within me. When they say, “he lives within you,” I get it now.
The blue heron, whose wings billowed upward magically right before my eyes the morning after he left us, has become my spirit guide. This majestic and solitary bird has become my angel, the one who flies over me when I need strength, when I need a gentle reminder of who I really am, when I need assurance that I need to continue on the path that lies ahead of me, and to trust that the life I have led will to lead me toward a life filled with love, comfort and security.
Still, sometimes it’s a struggle for me to believe I deserve anything. I know I’m not alone in this. Guess it’s the “expect nothing so you won’t be disappointed” mindset. But the effort it takes for me to believe otherwise is the work that I must continue to do in order to grow and move beyond my own self-imposed obstacles.
As I continue to learn through life’s big and small trials, the certainty of uncertainty is what usually kicks me back into this self-protective default mode, which I realize is not particularly productive. My pessimistic pre-programming pesters me with thoughts like, “with the good always comes the bad.” But, the issue here must be to remain mindful and remember that thoughts do have power. Negative and obsessive thinking could actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy. So it’s important to continually shift away from this tendency. Instead, I’ve been working to harness the calm power and wisdom my father instilled within me and remind myself to trust my own inner knowing with faith and commitment.
While the physical practice of yoga continues to fuel me by keeping my body mobile and pliant, as I continue to deepen my internal practice, my work in yoga has become about staying present and doing my best to not let the uncontrollable control me. If I can stay focused on what is, on productivity in the moment, and peace in my mind and heart, perhaps each moment will arrive more fluidly and effortlessly, and I will be able to step into each new breath with ease.